The Offbeat: Set One.

There's no doubt about it... life is different in Kaposvár. Neither better nor worse, simply not the same. I have been keeping journals of the contrast and I thought some of these incidental themes may be enlightening (or at least entertaining) if they surfaced on my blog. So, I may post a few differences from time to time. I suppose I'll start now... presenting The Offbeat: authentic stories of cultural difference...

Before I even begin, it's important to understand that these are simply observations and musings I've deduced from my experiences... my real experiences... I understand and accept that this is not 'the way' all Kaposvárians, Hungarians, or even Europeans see things... but this is just a glimpse from my perspective, approaching all diversity with an open mind and curious intuition...

Six different ways...

1. The popular Hungarian outlook is rather, well, negative*. It's not my criticism, it's just the way it is... don't take it from me, ask someone from Hungary; I think they'll tell you the same. Of course, not everyone has this attitude, but there is certainly some truth to the label.
   
   I find it interesting to see how this notion emerges... how it affects daily operations, and how it even crops up in the language... not the diction, but the actual breakdown of lexica. For example, the word for hospital is kórház. Ház means house, but what does kór mean? Not health or recovery or wellness (as one might assume or, at least, hope)... kór means disease. It was explained to me that this is the place one goes to die when they get ill, and thus, how it boils down to 'disease house.' I have heard loads of colloquial metaphors representing this same bitter stance. There's a Hungarian expression that translates roughly to: if a Hungarian man's cow dies, he doesn't want a new cow... he wants his neighbor's cow to die.
   
   However, truth be known, I'm fortunate to have met some really great people at the school and in my travels that 'get it.' There are plenty of Hungarian people that realize the stigma that aligns with this cultural attitude, and make a conscious effort to escape the popular mindset.
   
   *I have learned a lot about the reasons / excuses for this attitude and will share more of my findings and reflections later.
   
   
2. In the States it's widely considered feminine for men to go tanning, to straighten their hair, spend time at the spa, drink a bottle of soda from a straw, or wear fanny packs. In Hungary, these things are normal for men... but the kicker is this... In Kaposvár, I get strange looks when I tell people that I practice yoga (as to suggest that it is only for women). When I tell them that lots of dudes in the States do yoga, they are shocked. I try to explain to them that it's conditioning for the heart and mind, and to build core strength... but they (by and large) seem to think it is a joke... I just find it funny that people think it's girly for men to exercise via yoga, but totally normal for men to go to a tanning salon.
   
   Of course, this doesn't stop me from being the only man in my local yoga class... the more intimidating part is that my instructor, Ibolya, doesn't speak a word of English (and rarely are there any women there that do). However, she is the sweetest lady and is a fantastic yogi (said to be one of the best in Somogy County), so it's worth the challenge; it's actually pretty fun to learn the poses and breathe cues, not in Sanscrit or English, but Hungarian. I've been practicing yoga now for over three years, but it's always a new adventure... especially now.
   
   
3. Sidewalk etiquette. I suppose I've always taken it for granted, but it's pretty strange to be in a place where people act like they don't see others approach them on the sidewalk. I've experienced this tough-guy approach where people feel entitled to walk down the sidewalk (as if it's only made for them) and everyone else should step out of the way. They will actually put their shoulder out to let you know they're there when you pass them too (instead of easing the brush-by).
   
   And, when I'm on my skateboard... I'm not allowed (or at least welcome) on the street and I'm not allowed on the sidewalk either. I've tried both, and have gotten reprimanded in each situation. Coming with the American standard (where skateboarding is banned on the sidewalks), I mainly try to ride on the roads. To me, it makes sense... sidewalks are for walkers, pedestrians... not bikes, not skateboards, and definitely not rollerbladers. Though, I constantly get strange looks, mean looks, honks, and I have had two cops pull me over to yell at me. Okay, so, maybe the sidewalk is the place in Hungary? Nope. People act like they don't see me and expect me to get off my board and walk around them before hopping back on. Or, even worse yet, they give me an attitude like I should be on the street and not the sidewalk (ha)... I guess it will take some time for some things to change... and developing a Hungarian skateboard culture probably isn't the first thing that will advance.
   
   
4. Szalagavató: the Hungarian Prom? I don't know if it's the equivalent of the annual spring gala in the States, but it is a grand ball complete with opulent garb and even a choreographed waltz for the entire senior class. Like the prom, this is an elite affair for only the upperclassmen (the school-leavers, grade twelve and thirteen). And, also, much like the American Prom, there is entertainment (here it's a live band, it's too bad most of the prom entertainment has shifted to talentless DJs), a myriad of camera flashes going off all night, and plenty of making out.
   
   However, unlike most proms, the Szalagavató is held in the school... right in the open space in between the classrooms. The evening begins with a proper ribbon ceremony, acknowledging the school-leavers for their years at the school (four, five, or six). This is followed by some formal speeches (much like graduation), and then there are class presentations in the classrooms. The students invite their teachers and parents to the classrooms, where they perform skits / songs and enjoy food and drink... and yes, you can even find the students drinking alcohol (champagne, etc.) with the teachers in the school! It truly is a different culture. After the reception, the students have a costume change and prepare for the formal dance performance. They come back out to the aulla in their poofy dresses, etc. and perform the well-rehearsed dance procession (the students have been meeting to learn and rehearse the dance one or two evenings a week for months). The parents join the students on the floor for a 'father-daughter' dance kind-of-thing for a few songs and then, finally the ball begins... the lights turn down lower and the 'prom' (as I know it) sets in... and culminates with the crowning of the beauty of the ball (sorry fellas, no king, just a queen here... after all, how many dudes really want to be the prom king anyway?)...
   
   
5. Things I miss: Luna, First Friday Art Walk, healthy food choices, clothes dryer, almond butter, Target, Sunflower Market, smiles from strangers, mountains, a whole house with a backyard and the freedom to make noise whenever I want, and Buffalo wings (although I did get the urge and guts to take a crack at making some tonight, my once a year Super Bowl fix... definitely not the same, but I can make up a pretty decent modified sauce with the local Hungarian hots: páprika)...
   
   
6. Things I don't miss: working five days every week, long queues for the lift lines and terrible weekend warrior traffic, professional development trainings, driving a car everyday, and talking / texting on my iPhone everyday (though I did just open up another outlet of communication, finally joining the world's third largest nation: FaceBook... we'll see how long it lasts)...